First of all, when I wrote this title, Kathryn said, "Could you please capitalize the S and the D in the title? I have a system going here." It made me giggle, then cry.
Second, I wanted to tell you about my amazing diet I have been on. Let me give you some background info. I'm what some people would call "skinny," but what I prefer to call "shut the heck up." For many years I have weighed about 145 lbs. No one respects a 145 pounder. Just try ordering one at McDonalds. No one takes it seriously. Whenever I tell someone how much I weigh, all the girls make some sort of comment like, "that must be soooooo hard for you" while rolling their eyes, similar to what you're probably doing right now. The guys, on the other hand, think, "I could totally beat him up." Well look, I'm tired of hearing it. People are constantly complaining about how hard it is to lose weight. Well let me tell you something: it's hard to gain it too. Recently I dropped down to about 142, and I was not happy about it, so I decided to take action. I'm on a fat diet. It really just consists of me trying to eat more and make sure I eat ice cream right before I go to bed. The problem is that I'm pretty active. I work out and ride my bike several times a week to school, which is about 3 miles each way (not much, but it's something). Well, I'm happy to report that my diet is working. I'm up to about 148 now. Once I cross the 150 mark, there will be no stopping me. I want to get to about 155, because then people will respect that and realize that I could probably punch their face in. That's my goal. Fear me. I'm huge.
(Above is my before and after pictures. That's right, I'm turning black.)
Oh I am so glad you have a blog. You crack me up! Kathryn must be cracking up all the time. Scratch that. She must be ROLLING HER EYES all the time.
ReplyDeleteHey, on a bad day I weigh almost as much as you! Ha Ha Ha. I think the joke's on me. Anyway, I was once on a high fat diet. I think I gained a total of 3 lbs in 2 years.
ReplyDeleteI see you went back on the milkshake diet. It was one of my favorites. In fact, it's still the only diet I've participated in much at all (since I felt like I should be some moral support for you back in the day). Actually, I've been on a non-Marshmellow Mateys diet for a few years now, and I'm actually following it quite well. Unfortunately, you're still beating me by 10-15 lbs.
ReplyDeleteI've got this great idea for a frozen burrito and frozen pizza diet that I think might work well. I like to call it the "single guy" diet. All you have to do is eat frozen burritos or pizza every day of the week. The occassional Taco Bell burrito or Little Ceasar's pizza is an acceptable substitute for the authentic frozen foods. We'll just have to wait and see how this one turns out...
What if in 2 years you have to write another post about how your cholesterol is way too high and now you weigh 400 lbs? That would stink.
ReplyDeletehowwwwwwwwwwwwwwis possible```~~
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